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Let’s face it: inheritance isn’t exactly a topic we jump to bring up over Sunday lunch. Money, death, and family dynamics are each tricky enough on their own, and when combined, they can lead to discomfort, misunderstandings, or even conflict. But having open, honest conversations about inheritance is one of the kindest, most responsible things you can do for your loved ones.
Here’s how to approach it in a way that’s thoughtful, constructive, and (mostly) free of awkward silences.
Why It’s So Important to Have “The Talk”
Inheritance planning isn’t just about dividing money or property. It’s about making sure your values are honoured, your loved ones are protected, and your wishes are clear. Without a conversation, even the best-laid estate plans can lead to confusion or unintended consequences, especially when emotions are running high.
Talking openly also gives your family a chance to understand your thinking, ask questions, and plan their own futures accordingly.
Start with the Right Mindset
Before you bring it up, take a moment to reflect on your own goals. Are you hoping to avoid future conflict? Reduce tax burdens? Support your children or grandchildren while you’re still alive? Clarifying your intentions helps guide the conversation and gives you confidence.
And remember: the goal isn’t to hand out a spreadsheet of who gets what. It’s about sharing your wishes and values in a respectful, inclusive way.
Pick the Right Time and Setting
Don’t bring it up during a family celebration or in the middle of a crisis. Choose a quiet, relaxed setting — perhaps over coffee or during a calm weekend. Let your family know you want to talk about something important ahead of time, so they’re mentally prepared and less likely to react emotionally.
Be Honest, but Gentle
There’s no perfect script, but here’s a way to begin:
“I’ve been thinking about getting things organised for the future. I want to make sure everything is clear and fair, and that if anything were to happen to me, you wouldn’t have to deal with extra stress. Can we talk about that?”
From there, you can gently share your plans or ask for their thoughts.
Address the Emotional Side
Sometimes inheritance isn’t about money at all, it’s about memories, fairness, or unspoken expectations. If you’re dividing sentimental items (like jewellery, artwork, or a family home), be ready for emotions to surface. Giving everyone a chance to express what matters to them can avoid tension later.
If you’re planning to treat family members differently, for example, leaving more to someone with greater need or rewarding a caregiver, it’s better to explain your reasoning now than leave loved ones hurt or confused later.
Use Tools to Get Organised
If you’re not sure where to start, my free downloadable guide “What I Own and Where I Keep It” can help you get everything down on paper, from your assets and important documents to digital passwords and contacts. It’s a simple but powerful way to keep your affairs organised and make life much easier for your loved ones in the future.
(If you haven’t downloaded your copy yet, you can find it HERE.)
Bring in a Professional (That’s Where I Come In)
Having the conversation is just the first step. You’ll also want to make sure your plans are legally binding, tax-efficient, and up to date. That means having a valid will, possibly setting up powers of attorney, and reviewing any trusts or other assets that sit outside your estate.
Working with a financial adviser and a solicitor ensures your wishes are properly documented and your loved ones are protected.
The Bottom Line
Talking about inheritance might feel uncomfortable at first, but avoiding the topic can create far more discomfort in the long run. A thoughtful, open conversation can bring your family closer, protect your legacy, and give everyone peace of mind.
So, take a deep breath and start the conversation. You might be surprised at how grateful your loved ones are that you did.
